TWO More Inches.......

I can't even formulate the right words to express how I'm feeling right now. All I keep thinking is "I could have died out there!!". Last night, on the way back uptown on the FDR Drive, my uncle lost control of the car and nearly drove us all into the the East River. Luckily, we crashed into the side railing. Had we continued to swerve, the car would have flipped over(which it came really close to doing at one point....the back of the car was ALL THE WAY off the ground but we were still moving). It happened fast enough to scare the shit out of me yet slow enough for me to be able to process everything. I SWEAR, in my head, I had already prepared myself for my last breath. I really and truly believed that I was going to die. Thankfully, we all got out of the car in one piece. Aside from a few bumps and bruises,no one was injured. The only things damaged were the car and my sense of security. There's no telling when or how life is going to be taken from us.

People always say that life is too short and I believe that but I never thought of my own life being like that.My mind is always on the future. I have a habit of putting things off for tomorrow or some other time. Like I have the luxury of deciding what my future will be. Like I can control what's coming...

Tomorrow?????
What's that when I could die right now?!?
The future is a very sketchy concept.

Aiysha always asks the question "Why are you playing with your life??" and though she uses it in a joking manner, the question is a valid one.

WHY AM I????
Life is not a game.

Ain't This A Bitch?!?

For the past couple of months, I have been coming to some drastic conclusions and taking even more drastic measures in response to those conclusions. I formally stopped speaking to my former best friend of...madd years via email (and of course the myspace friend deletion...thats the MAJOR shit.lol) I have also voiced my "opinions" to different people about different things(usually some deep,dark feelings type stuff). That might not seem like anything to worry about but to me it is. I go through some CRAZY emotions and I feel them soo strongly that it's hard not to believe that it's the real thing. Now I had sorta kinda but not quite noticed a pattern before but yesterday, it straight hit me. I went through soo many emotions yesterday. I even CRIED in the street for a good 20 minutes. If I had on a mood ring it would have probably exploded on my hand. I went through it ALL. I was fully prepared to put up both my middle fingers and tell the whole world to "pardon my back"(haha).

But then I woke up this morning and guess what?!?
My period is starting. PMS is a bitch and I know her personally but I think I have some other shit. So I looked it up and I think I suffer from PMDD.
More info to come.

I have yet to post anything of substance on this blog and that's just terrible. The whole purpose of me even doing this was to express my self on a public forum.(the fact that its unlikely that anyone will read this is minuscule...the POSSIBILITY of someone reading it is what counts.)

...................................................................................
..................................................and unfortunately I WON'T be posting any now. I Love Money is on.

Damn It Man!!!!!!!!

Yeah that's me.
But I missed the episode 4 on Monday and then I missed the rerun...I'm slowly dying inside.

What I've Been Going Through..........

I don't really have time to blog right now but there are a couple of things going on in my world that I just thought I would share.

1. I am now "rich"....but I won't be for long AT ALL!!
2. Travis Barker was severely injured in a plane crash. (I really hope he gets better)
3. I'm realizing that even though I don't hesitate to give my all and/or my last, NOBODY else is
doing the same. I know it's cool to be different but....Nah.
4. I'm also starting to see how poor my social skills are. That much I will work on...like for real.
5. I FINALLY got a new ipod...and I plan on using it to shut out the entire world for a while.
6. Haha....I just proved number 4 with what I wrote for number 5.....sooo lame.
7. But seriously though,(In Young Jeezy's voice) I need a "vacaation".\
8. I'm gonna be pretty much in seclusion for a while. I'm not going to put a time frame on it, I'll just do what I feel like.

PLUS: Someone leaked Jazmine Sullivan's album but I don't think that it's official. I'm still copping the original on the 23rd.
And since I'm gonna be in "exile" please believe I'm gonna be blogging like CRAZY!!!!!!

.....................................................

I KNOW I haven't posted any new blogs in a while but no one missed me anyway. I have been neglecting ALOT lately. It's time for me to get my head where it needs to be. I have to stop making excuses and start making moves. It's really not that hard to do. As far as school goes, I'm gonna just start going and worry about the absences at the end of the semester. I can't miss anymore school though...like for real. I hate that I'm this way. What gives other people so much motivation??
Or better yet, what makes me so damn lazy???
I wish I could figure it all out. But I don't feel like thinking that hard.....SMFH!!!!

What I'm Waiting For.......

You already know that I can't wait for Jazmine Sullivan's album "Fearless" to drop(September 23rd).I saw some videos on youtube of her in the studio and from what I hear, it should be a phenomal album. I'll post them in the next blog. I really wish she would take some new promo pictures though.


I've liked T.I ever since the "Never Scared" remix ("I'm a Bankhead nigga, I'll take yo cookiez!") but I've never been hype enough to buy his albums. Paper Trail is gonna be that fire though.

DAMN YOU KANYE!!!!!!!!!!

Why you gotta make me eat my words??
In my very first blog, I talked about my new found respect for Kanye because of his VMA performance...
But then he had to go and mess it all with the TERRIBLE show he put on at LAX this morning.



But then again......He did tell us that HE GOES HARD!!!
"Fuck ya'll niggas, I'm outta here"- Kanye West

TODAY WE RICH!!!!!!

I mean....yeah I LIKE other stuff but......

I Write The Strangest Lines At The Strangest Times

Okay...first, I'm FUCKING UP royally right now but I swear on everything that I'm gonna get it together like right now.

Now, here's my bit of advice for the day: Blaze your own path...or Just Blaze!!!!!!!!

I Think I'm Addicted To Blogging!!!!

ATL is on BET right now....T.I is sooo sexy!!!!

They Say Rain Is God's Tears

It Rained ALOT this summer.....Coincidence???
I think not!!

More Money, More Problems...........

Not that I would know.LOL
But it seems like everyone has their hands in my pockets and there's nothing even in them yet. Too many people have already planned how they're gonna spend MY money. WTF????? It makes me not even want the damn money......almost.

Gone Too Soon!!

First and foremost, REST IN PEACE to everyone that has passed this summer. My condolences go out to anyone who is missing someone right now. I wish I could bear your pain for you if only for a moment. (If you're reading this...know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts. I'm with you, I PROMISE!).

A 13-year-old boy was fatally shot in front of an apartment building in Harlem on Friday night, the police said.

The boy, Scotty Scott, was struck once in the chest around 7:30 p.m. near 108 West 144th Street, just west of Malcolm X Boulevard. He was declared dead at Harlem Hospital Center.

Two more young men were wounded in the same shooting; an 18-year-old was hit in the leg and a 16-year-old suffered a grazing wound to the neck, the police said.

A churchgoing teenager who fretted about violence in his troubled Harlem neighborhood was struck and killed by a stray bullet yesterday as he walked with friends near his home, police said.

Nathan Allsbrook, 15, was shot at about 2:30 a.m. as he walked home with several friends at the corner of 127th Street and Adam Clayton Powell Boulevard.

Police sources said the bullet hit him in the shoulder and traveled into his heart. He was pronounced dead about 15 minutes later.

A 15-year-old boy was fatally shot after a house party on the upper West Side early Saturday - prompting his devastated mother to plead with cops to get illegal guns off the streets.

Maurice McIver, his mother's only child, was shot in the groin as he left a friend's home, police said.

The high school sophomore lost a significant amount of blood before he was rushed to the emergency room of St. Luke's Hospital and died as his mom kept vigil in the waiting room.

"These kids are out there killing each other, and it doesn't make any sense," Maurice's mom, Janet Gaston, said.

SAY WHAT???????

"I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid.
Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics.
Articulate but still would grab a nigga by the collar quick." -TIP

Does Anybody Out There Hear Me?????

No???
Doesn't matter.
Well, it does but for all intents and purposes it's probably best that I continue to believe that no one will ever see this blog. Millions of people have access to the internet and millions more will have access in the future but for every million people there are at least....idk a million(lol) other places on the WWW that they could be.
So if you're here with me.....you're a LOSER!!!!!!!!(Naw, I'm kidding)
Honestly, I appreciate your presence and your time.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!

Jazmine Sullivan is a MONSTER!!!!!!!

I'm listening to her right now. Her vocals are just ridiculous."Need You Bad" is the most played song in my itunes library. I literally get butterflies in my stomach when I hear that song. When the chorus comes in......forget about it. It just doesn't make any sense what that song does to me. I NEVER want to see her perform that live. I would have no reason to live after that. I might just die right there.lol.....no for real though. She sings with such emotion that I believe her.

Which brings me to the question of how I would deal with feeling that deeply about someone. The sensible and more prominent person in me hopes to the high heavens that I never need anyone that badly(no pun intended). Your heartbeat?????
Come on now...do you understand how badly you need that?? Needing someone as much as you need your heartbeat is probably hard enough. But I'm sure there are ways to cope with that.(I would sure find a way!) However, when it gets to the point that you realize and accept that need...like really wanting to let the world know...IT"S OVER!!! Pass the bobby pins cuz its a wrap.
I feel for you Jazmine, I really do.

I LOVE Kanye!!!!!!

Okay, so this probably is the most random and unsuitable introduction for a personal blog ever but.....that's me! LOL.
Anywho, I have this theory about music and drugs that basically helps me determine which artists' music was drug influenced. I truly believe that I can tell, just by listening to a song, whether or not the artist was high when they created that song. Up until recently, Kanye West would have NEVER struck me as "one of those" .His OUTSTANDING VMA performance definitely changed my perception of him. He was highed up!!!!!

edit: Kanye is an UBER-GENIUS for this performance. He was able to SMASH the VMA's and get his girl back at the same time.

"Kanyeeze you did it again, you a genius nigga!!" - Jay-Z